Telefreakinmarketers.
I just noticed last night how the ringing of the telephone has just become another background noise. If you are like me, a call from a friend or family is the exception these days. Otherwise it's a barrage of calls from some poor schmuck stuck trying to sell somebody something they don't need.
Usually I just let my digital line of defense handle this. I will stroll by and check out the caller i.d. as it rings or wait to hear a voice yelling "yo, are you there? Pick up!" before I pay any attention. It's just become a mundane part of life. I can remember when I was a kid, when the phone would ring it was a huge deal still. You wouldn't even think of not answering.
Sometimes though I get a bit mischevious or bored and will decide to mess with the unfortunate person (or sometimes computer on the other end I guess) and make their evening more eventful. My favorite is to answer and put the phone near the mouth of the ferocious guard dog Nikki. She is 60lbs but her bark sounds like a 160lb dog or something. But she hates the phone being put in her face and will bark her head off. It must make you jump to hear that.
Also a favorite. "May I speak to Mr. Gutterpoet?" "Sure, hang on". Use different voice, "hello?". "Mr. Gutterpoet?". "oh, no but hang on a sec". And so on until they hang up.
I also like to seem excited when I am told that I have qualified for a $20,000 line of credit. "Wow, my bankruptcy lawyer said I'd have a hard time getting credit cards!"
I have to watch it when I've been consuming adult beverages.
Poor unsuspecting woman trying to make a decent living: Sir, would like to save on your long distance?
Drunken Gutterpoet: I'm not wearing any pants.
PUWTTMADL: oookay. do you make a lot of long distance calls?
DGP: you mean like 900 numbers? I like to have intimate one on one conversations with beautiful women. What are you wearing?
PUWTTMADL: what?
DGP: ***heavy breathing***
click.
Yes, I know. These are just people trying to earn a living blah, blah. But isn't this an invasion into your privacy? Their company bought the info on you from your bank or grocery store or whatever and figures you must be a sucker. If it was someone coming to your front door rather than calling you, would it still be okay?
knock. knock.
"Mr. Poet? Hi! We were talking to your grocer and package store clerk and it appears that you consume lots of red meat and drink excessively. Can we talk life insurance?"
Do people ever actually buy anything over the phone like that? You will hear the occasional story on the news of some poor person who lost their life savings because they gave someone their bank account number so that the million dollar prize they won can be deposited there. But those morons must be few and far between you would think.
I don't know. But if you know anyone in that biz and you hear about a crazy drunken guy wearing no pants with an attack dog, you can say "I know that guy!".