Since I have no camera to post a pic of the vein bulging from my right temple, let me simply say that activation of the Tirade Alert System would be appropriate at this time.
And this particular tirade has been building up for some time but today, oh yes today, I reached the tipping point. There is no delicate way to say this so I will be put it very bluntly. People are total idiots and should be shot.
Not all people, not me or you or our cousin Elroy or your lovely parakeet Mr. Nibbles, but many, many out there are simply imbeciles. How these people make it to where they're s'posed to be on a daily basis is beyond me. Oh yeah, I suppose I should really get to my point huh?
ATM's. People cannot use an ATM. Now, granted I do remember early ATM's and maybe some could be confusing. But like everything else the modern ATM has been dumbed way the hell down. You can even get a display in Espanol or Francais. Because hitting the right button is apparently tough to master, you now have touch screens with symbolic figures to help you out. This apparently is not enough to help the huddled masses.
A couple of weeks ago, I am on the way to play golf. I need to cash for the all important purchase of a hot dog at the turn (a hot dog likely that has been on the turnstile thinger for a couple weeks properly aging) at nine holes. I get in line at the drive-thru ATM. A car has just pulled up in front of me. First the guy is too far from the screen. He looks back to go in reverse but I now have a car behind me so there is no reversing for him. He contemplates this situation a minute and decides to not back into me and instead gets out of his car. Strike one. Next, he has trouble getting the card in the slot. He tries one way, then another and so on. By a quick calculation I figure there could only be four different ways for the card to go in but he has tried the card thirty times. It occurs to him at this point that he has his library card or something. Strike two. He finds another card and tries it. No go. Cars are backing up and this guy is now standing there with his hands on his hips. I blow the horn, followed by several others. He somehow decides HE should be pissed and shoots us all a dirty look. He does finally give up before I had to go buy a gun and shoot him.
Just a bit earlier today, I go to the walkup ATM near work to grab some cash. This transaction usually takes all of five minutes so I don't even tell them I am leaving my office or anything.
I pull up and only one person in line. Cool. However...
It was a man 40ish or so. He was wearing thick, thick glasses (birth control glasses we used to call that, heh)and a shirt that didn't quite cover the handsome beer gut he was sporting. Yeah a real looker.
Because he's blind as a fookin' bat he is leaning over the machine two inches from the screen so that from behind it appears he may be having intercourse with the poor machine. He finally is able to read the selections through his coke bottles and ever so carefully, he punches every number. So many numbers that I assume he is applying for a house loan or something for chrissakes. Finally, after what felt like an hour, the machine spits out a piece of paper. He looks at it, scratches his head, then tosses into the trash. It was his balance. It took him five minutes to get a damned balance! He again mounts the machine and the number punching recommences. Five minutes later, the machine again spits out paper. He again looks confused and tosses the paper. The whole process starts again. I step forward and break the unwritten law of giving three steps to the person in front of you. He is again selecting balance!! Then I just lose it. I am normally a controlled person, but the years of putting up with ATM stupidity suddenly gathered into a huge storm.
I screamed. "Goddamnit! It's the same balance arsewipe!! You have no money you pathetic loser, so get out of the M'F'ing way NOW!!
Now bear in mind before you're too impressed that besides the beer gut this guy was only like 5'7 or something so I was pretty safe since I was towering over him. He grabs his card and runs into the bank. I walk up and in 30 seconds I left with money in hand. I know this because of the stopwatch feature on the watch I got for Christmas. 30 seconds people and I can assure you I am no genius. Well, maybe, but modesty ya know...So it can be done.
Here's my idea. When you apply for a card, a bank employee must watch your first transaction. If you cannot do this in a reasonable time frame, then you are sent to a class. Then you are retested. If you still can't do THEN YOU ARE A USELESS PIECE OF SHIOTE HE DOESN'T DESERVE TO GET TO USE IT!!
And while I'm on the subject, you people in Florida. In my opinion if you are too stupid to pull the right lever you shouldn't be voting anyway! When people have to go ask for help at the booth, escort their stupidasses right out the door! I don't want any trouble out of you people in November!!
Wow, I'm tired now.
This tirade is over, we now return you to your normal programming.