I should very much like to thank realdoll345 who wrote the following comments about me on her profile, "he rambles on about nothing at all, yet manages to make it seem important".
That is perfect! I think that people that know me out in the "real world" would tell you that summed me up dead on. I am thinking of using part of that for my ad thingermajig I've still not done.
That dovetails with something else I was thinking about over the weekend. As I had more down time than usual I was able to watch TV and see what was up with the huddled masses out there. So much of everything seems to be about self-esteem. The "troubled teen" on Maury or Rikki, rabid political protesters and debaters, even just sit-coms. The government schools and the focus on self-esteem has now been on the job long enough to see results. Yikes, what results.
It's a phoney self-esteem out there these days. I think it is caused by the whole PC thing put in place by the 60's/70's hippie thinktankers. You can't celebrate achievment because that makes those who lose feel bad. You can't fail kids, why that too will make them feel bad. So you pump them up from the time they hit school to think that they are artificially better than they are.
But if you don't ever fail then you'll never know how to succeed. If you don't lose you'll never strive for victory. And since no one knows how to lose, then if they do lose, it was "unfair" or they didn't "get what was coming to them". That's because they place zero value on getting things or passing a grade or whatever. They NEVER had to work for it.
So many try to take their sense of self worth or esteem and shove it down your throat. Because they are what they are and you better accept that mother f'er! It's not enough that you could care less what this person is, in fact that pisses them off. You have to bend over backwards and validate this supposed high self worth.
But this is just esteem on paper and not material in any way. If your rebellion is wearing duct tape for clothes or having your forehead pierced with pop rivets, what is it you are exactly rebelling against? Man, this shit has been done before, not just recently, but like a thousand years ago.
Real self esteem needs no validation from society. Real self worth needs no recognition whatsoever! Self esteem has nothing to do with how loose your pants hang or if you screw a man or a woman or a groundhog.
It may only be obvious to others through your quiet confidence or the way you carry yourself, but it depends on no one else or nothing else.
This is the self esteem my hero's always seem to have. I strive for this and it's a long journey but ultimately, win or fail, a rewarding one. That's why that opening quote made me smile so much. That is the very essence of my belief system. Where I am is the most important thing going on! I mean what is the point in thinking otherwise? You'll always feel like you're missing everything. You can only be where you are, so that's it! And if you carry yourself that then others will think that hanging with really is the place to be.
My self esteem comes from things like cooking a great meal, my garden springing to life, my dog being well trained, running a 5k in a certain time. Real tangible measures of having accomplished something. I don't give a rat's ass who else has what, I don't resent it and what a waste of time to worry over it. I refuse to spend my time worrying about what others have or scheming to "soak the rich with taxes" or if it's unfair that my neighbor has a better vehicle than I do. I'm happy for them but it means nothing.
I am not rich by any means but if I never progress beyond my current level of prosperity, I will be a happy person. I have everything I need and no one handed it over or gave it to me in any way and so my small little plot on this earth means more to me. I don't deserve anything more than I can manage to earn.
I am sure I'll never reach that apex I strive for in this department and I'll have my moments of whining but just striving for it makes me a better person. I hope to god I never become what I see so much out there more and more in our culture.
Accept who you are and more importantly who you are not and relish what you have, no matter how meager and you cannot go wrong.