It was just then, during my daily scheduled afternoon tirade that I suddenly and without warning called the subject matter of my rant a "double dutch doody head".
out loud.
in front of people.
I am sure that when I was oh say, eight, and climbing on the monkey bars while saying it, this would have been a state of the art insult. Instead I sounded like someone with a screw loose.
No matter.
I think the Sig Ot has been sufficiently scared from wishing to ever bear the gutter-progeny seed. Over the weekend while visiting those people calling themselves my parents (I believe myself I am obviously the adopted bastard child of Joe Strummer but that's a whole other story) we had more than the usual time of just hanging out chatting. Normally a visit revolves around an event of some sort that keeps us all busy.
So the Sig Ot was busy with girlish chat with my Mom and sister as I watched a baseball game.
Anyway, the subject changed to someone had just had a kid and how huge the kids head was and how that must have hurt. It was then that my Mom said "oh *gutterpoet* had a HUGE head and hands and feet and oh my god the shoulders".
It is no lie I had a parade float quality head at birth, but I can assure everyone that I have grown into it. I guess. I mean it's not like kids tug at their parents' coat and point at me like my head is a bulbous oddity. At least not much.
As if this imagery needed court-like evidence, my Mom left and then emerged shortly thereafter with numerous photos proving how huge-mongus exactly I was. The mere 5'2 Sig Ot seemed to be staring off into space likely imagining the scene at the birth of this future demon spawn that sprung from my loins. That gi-normus head and shoulders trying to come out and the resulting carnage of her hoo-haw as the doctor screams "oh the humanity!". It was likely at that moment she vowed to never bear my offspring. In fact I swear I heard her calling the doctor asking that her birth control be super-sized as soon as possible.
Oh well.
I'll have to start cruising high schools to find candidates again I guess.