We are raising children to be "soft"!
Okay not we as in me as well, because I am raising zero children and have zero children (so right away I am likely disqualified from continuing but of course that won't stop me).
At the party for my one year old neice a week or two ago, I noticed a little book she got. It was that "Now I lay me down to sleep" poem. HOWEVER, they had taken out the "if I die before I wake part", it was totally devoid of death talk.
Now call me old school, but I see a problem here (audible gasps are heard from parents everywhere)really I do. Back in my day, way back in the last century, our stories involved wolves eating people or witches putting kids in stoves. The message was, you screw up and get lost in the woods where you're not supposed to be and bad things might happen. You knew it was just a story but in the back of your mind, you weren't quite sure there wasn't some truth to it. Even those little kittens who lost their brand spankin' new mittens, man, they got NO pie. NONE! From the loss of treats to death, the consequences of bad behavior were clearly pointed out. This is not to even mention what your Dad might do with a belt!
Now the childrens books are like "Heather has three Moms who are homeless, crack addicts which is the fault of evil corporations and this is okay it's just a different lifestyle" or whatever. But God forbid you try put an evil witch in a book or children-eating wolves on the prowl. No! That is the wrong message.
But I'm not just a whiner, I am a doer. And so to this end I am going to write a "The Gutterpoet's Modern Day Parables and Fables". Yes I will bring back the spirit of the Brothers Grimm and Aesop and those dudes. With a modern twist, mind you. Here's one story's summary.
Little Johnny disobeys his Mother and goes off in the woods. There he encounters the Evil men cutting down trees for Profit. Running from them he encounters Evironmental Whacko's setting fire to the woods to prevent the timbermen from cutting. Caught in the middle of this battle, he is befriended by a wise old Buck. He leads him back to his home and to safey. Upon return though, his father, out of work due to the evil rich logging corporation shoots the helpful deer (a nine pointer!) since the family hasn't eaten in days. The moral? Don't go in the woods when told not to. Also Deer makes a tasty stew.
Yes, yes I'm accepting pre-orders now.
Let's bring back the fire and brimstone to the kids.
Or maybe not.