I'm nearly dead! This morning we were setting up a new patient monitor and to check it out we hooked me up to it. My friggin' BP is 160 over 100!!! That's a little on the bust a blood vessel side I'd say. My BP is usually in the normal range. I know I've felt like my head was about to explode this week a time or two but I didn't realize it was really about to. Although I have to admit death by head explosion would be pretty wild I think. And a mess.
But I think I've figured out my problem. I don't have a me to go to. I mean like at work I'm that person you go to when you are at the end of your rope. You come to my office let it all out, I tell a joke or two to make you laugh, you get up and say "thanks I feel a lot better" and you go on. When I'm on the edge, I simply get gas thrown on the fire as those around me seem to egg on my blowing a fuse. In fact my bosses here applaud it! I have had three actual heated arguments with co-workers this week. I was in the right on all of them and my point won, but I shouldn't have to do that to prove my point. Some say I am actually hilarious when I am on a rampage. Indeed, I get worked up and start letting fly a stream of invective without stopping for many minutes and yeah I guess there is humor there. So I will go on a tirade and all the while people are laughing like I'm a stand up comic. Thank you, thank you, try the veal, I'll be having my nervous breakdown here all week!!
Those closest (is that a word? It looks funny) to me seem useless. "You're not like this very often, so we don't know what to do", I am told. So everyone just backs off with a puzzled look on their face. But if I knew of a me, I might go visit me and vent for a few minutes and have a laugh....
On the bright side it appears I will be able to hire some people next year and I am sure that will help. In the meantime I guess it's giving an edge to my nice guy image as I run around cussin like a sailor with the veins bulging in my forehead. And of course it is fun to yell at people I've found!
Eh, it's all nothing a few glasses or maybe bottles of wine won't cure. Maybe I'll get an Asian massage and then drink a bottle of wine and just unwind. I might sleep for days.
Thanks for listening my diary, you are a friend indeed...