Without delusions, I'd be bored to tears.
Now I was tempted to stop this entry right there. Because that really says it all I think. But as (please insert deity of your choice, mother earth or inaniminate objects such as a soap dispenser or whatever you worship *here*) is my witness I can't do ANYTHING in just a few words. In fact, I'll never speak truer words than those so again I am now tempted to stop, having proclaimed the highest of truths.
Yet I sojourn on. Bravely bravely on.
I think I have begun to only hear things as I wish to. My brain and ears have joined together in a scheme to make what I hear more interesting. A conspiracy within myself if you will. And hey, even if you won't, it's my damned conspiracy theory after all.
One of my many totally unusable, in any gainful way, talents is to take speech or lyrics and change a word or two to make them obscene or disgusting or nonsensical and a good day all three. I was even in a band (Lynrd Skynhead thank you very much) where our entire repetoire' was taking popular songs and changing the lyrics into vileness. We even did this in public. Albiet after many, many beers.
I think I've done this so much to mentally amuse myself, I've started having no control over this power. It's the "your face will freeze that way" theorem we've always been warned about it. Dammit when my parents are right it irritates me.
There is an old, sorry "age-challenged" woman at work who is about 4 foot 10 tall and about 4 foot 11 wide and five years ago I know she had her 75th birthday party, so she must be what? Oh no my math skills have gone too. Older than hell! I mean age-challenged of course.
This morning I see her talking to a young tall doctor in the hallway. As I pass I swear I hear her say "me love you long time". I laugh out loud and they stare at me like I'm a freak. I don't know what she said but THAT'S what I heard.
The truth is in the ear of the deluded one I say.
At lunch I am walking out and pass a young couple talking on their way into the building. I swear the guy says to the girl, "I never thought 3 hamsters would fit in there". I didn't laugh this time, not out loud anyway. But I was looking for which of them might be having trouble walking. You know?
I've always figured that insane people were the happiest people on earth. I just never thought I'd be one of them. Alright so maybe it's been a foregone conclusion for years. Whatever.
You hear what you want to hear and I'll hear what I want to. My way is a whole lot more fun.
Merry freakin' weekend to all.