Dear Miss Manners [ 2004-08-02, 9:27 a.m. ]

I did learn things in school.

Not much of what I was supposed to, but still...

This very a.m. it was remarked to me what "genteel and excellent manners" I have. I stop now so that anyone who knows me in person may fall off their chair laughing. It's not that I am ill-mannered at all, it's just "genteel and excellent" might be a bit more than the norm for sure.

And further she stated that "my parents did a fine job teaching me". But it wasn't my parents of course who taught me, it was a female I had the hots for. A definite pattern throughout my life.

I had a history in high school of being a bit disruptive. I was famous for the time I set a bulletin board on fire during class. I also enjoyed making smart ass remarks out loud and generally took pleasure in being rude and offensive.

First day of school my junior year I saw the most beautiful girl in the world walking into the same class I was, business law to be exact. How had she escaped my attention before? Blonde hair blue eyes and she had the "va" and then some more "va" and a whole lotta "voom". She could have passed for 21 with her figure and bearing. She was calm and confident but not from the high and mighty popular crowd, mostly I think because she came from a very iffy home life and likely had little money. But to me she was a Goddess.

In fact, I was so awe-struck I couldn't even get out my usual constant chit-chat. I grabbed a seat behind her from day one near the front of the class instead of my usual wise-guy back row seat. I sat there day after day, quietly watching every move she made and everything she did in that way you only can when you're 16 and in lust/love.

I had a girlfriend du jour during most of my high school days but I was actually free and clear at this time. But ask her out? Puh-leaze!I'm not sure if I was more afraid of a yes or a no answer. Clearly she was out of my league even if she wasn't in the high society caste at our school.

After a few days she started to talk to me on occassion. I was restrained and polite though inquisitive, out of fear mostly. I would listen intently to what she did over the weekend or the night before because it gave me a chance to look at her and be in her presence.

I watched the buffoons try to act cool and hit on her in front of me. THAT would normally be me! I could see how horrible and even offensive most of them were. It was a lesson I would not forget.

One day during class, some hooligans in the back of the class (again normally that would be me)were being disruptive and idiots. The teacher then gave them a reaming out and she went on to say "we only have one actual gentleman in class, Mr. Gutterpoet."

Huh?

Then the object of my obsession, Susan, turned around and smiled and touched my hand and said to me "you really are a great guy". I could have fainted right there. I was a gentleman? The most beautiful creature on earth called me a "great guy". There was something to this being polite and quiet thing.

After that semester I lost track of her and went back to my usual dating patterns but many people remarked at the remarkable difference in my behavior. I was called quiet and thoughtful. People assigned to me higher intelligence. First I had to kind of work on it, but soon it became easy and then before I knew a life-long habit. The wild child was confined to a less visible part of my personality. Heh, but never too far away.

About three years after graduation I ran into her one day at Tanglewood Mall. We caught up for a few minutes, she had married a year after graduation, though she never said but I figured it was to escape her parents, since she had no kids or anything. And then I HAD to ask. Would she have gone out with me if I had asked? She said "I would have loved to, you were so cute and sweet. It's a shame you didn't." Another lesson learned. Always ask because you never ever know the answer.

I told her what I have recounted here. She laughed and told me that she would love to take credit but that this was the real me, just waiting to for the right time to emerge. We talked about meeting up some time and exchanged numbers but we both knew it would never happen. But I was happy I could tell her of her influence on me. Yet another female encouraged me in the right direction while I was busy trying to get in her pants. I had a whole different way of saying that, but it would have ruined my PG-13 rating.

Soooo, when the compliment, at the beginning of this Michener length entry, was given I smiled and thought of this lovely young lady and my first lesson in manners.

And that is quite a lovely picture to have in my head.

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4 - 2006-07-04

The bacon rebellion - 2006-06-25

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once more into the breach boys - 2006-06-05

not so famous last words - 2006-01-06

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