Obviously, someone or something is out to get me. This morning I discovered to my horror that I was out of that precious life giving substance known as coffee. I'm not saying I have a problem necessarily, but I need four or five cups a morning get going. Okay, okay so I may have a bit of an addiction technically but I swear I could stop anytime I want to. Really!
Being without my life blood, I attempt to leave early for work to obtain some coffee, crappy coffee compared to mine at home to be sure, but when your addiction is at it's darkest hours, you do drastic things. However tragedy struck right off the bat. Not having the precious caffeine coursing through my veins, I was not on my game. I forgot to take the trash down to the street to be picked up. Normally, eh so what it might only be half full. But this time I had my regular container plus another brimming full of trash. I reach for my cell phone to call "she who waits to collect my life insurance" to see if she might still be home to do this. The phone however is nearly out of battery. Also the previously mentioned Beneficiary changed our cell phones to a model I can barely operate (another step to hasten my demise I am sure)and I cannot get the call to go out. So I have to turn around and drive back myself. Now I've lost valuable time and my body and brain are starting to really suffer. People in cars around me suddenly look menacing. The normally familiar landscape looks dark and dangerous. Can I make it to work before the pounding headache starts?
No! The answer of course is stop and buy some coffee. Indeed the very center of the coffee universe, Starbucks, lies directly in my path to work. I near the promise land and reach for my wallet to...HOLY MOTHER OF GOD I DON'T HAVE MY WALLET! I HAVE NO MONEY! I CAN'T MAKE IT, I JUST CAN'T MAKE IT ANY FURTHER.
I compose myself and continue on to work. Now, not only nearing death from withdrawal I am driving illegally without my liscense. I watch the rear-view mirror for the cops through my dark-circle surrounded eyes and trudge onward.
Finally, I arrive at work. I head straight for the breakroom. THERE IS NO COFFEE! THERE IS NO COFFEE! I reach into the cabinet to prepare some more. There are no packets to be found. By now I am breaking out in a cold sweat, my hands trembling. I go to the bathroom and throw cold water in my face and look at the mere shadow of my former self staring back at me. What had I become? Maybe it was time to break this addiction right here and now. Just suffer and get through it.
As I passed back through the break room there it was. A fresh pot had been made.
So yeah I grabbed a cup like my life depended on it. In fact it may depend on it.
As I have now filled my body with the very essence of life again, I've had time to consider the events of this morning. It seems to me that a lot of "coincidental" things happened one on top of the other. Either I have to believe that I, myself could be so negligent in my actions and so weak to be addicted to coffee OR there is a huge conspiracy afoot to ruin me.
Obviously it's a conspiracy.