Okay, I'll admit up front that I am not one of those people who can look at something and figure out how it works in seconds. Yet, I can be handy with tools, in fact during college I worked repairing medical machines and electrical repairs. Once I'm shown and I do a time or two, I do it well. But, just picking something up and tinkering with it? Nope, not me.
So last night, I finally had enough of my windshield wiper which had been disintegrating bit by bit. It was even probably approaching dangerous to drive in the rain. I bought the replacement on the way home. Now I've replace these before in mere minutes. I've also broken a few, but that's a different story.
I struggled to snap the old one off like the directions said and as I mentioned having demolished one before I decided that might would not make right in this situation and did not push the issue. So I had a brilliant idea. Take just the blade part out of the replacement part. This I did successfully. Maybe too successfully. The whole thing fell apart in my hand. At that same moment the old wiper came off the arm and hit the ground. So now I have destroyed both the replacement and the original. I walk back inside and as I do I hear the "heavy rain, flash flood watch" forecast and realize that even if it is 8pm and getting dark I must fix this somehow.
I head back out accompanied by the dog for moral support and head back to Target to get another replacement wiper. She makes a very good listener as I rattle on stammering out curse words and vows to kill auto makers. As a result I snatch a toy for her (good girl!)and another replacement and head back home now in the dark.
I enlist the aid of Roo (you know a man is desperate when he is willing to get help from a woman like this) ostensibly to hold the flashlight so I might see what I am doing.
However this *&(^%$ ing thing will not work to save my life! Roo takes a shot at it, but has no more success than I do. This "universal" part just does not work. I condemn the manufacturers of the product to an afterlife involving much flame and having been abandoned by the female at this juncture pondered my predicament as the gathering, ominous storm clouds rolled in and the wind howled (okay so I made the last part up but I'm trying to build the drama towards the end of this narrative).
It was at this crucial moment that good old fashioned American ingenuity took over. The kind of inspiration that the likes of Bell, Edison, even old Ben Franklin would surely have come up with. The sort of pioneer spirit that made this country what it is today.
Very McGuyver like, I cut an old shoe string and looped it through the tiny holes of the wiper and the arm and tied a double knot, cleverly fastening the wiper in place. Yes, I am quite proud of this. Surely this has bought me many days, if not weeks of great wiper service.
You might think that would be enough. But would that be enough for the Wright Brothers? Certainly not! This morning I have gone one step more. If I use a plastic fastener, spray painted black, it would last longer than string and even blend in to the blade itself.
I might even patent this whole thing.
There's no stopping me now.