Ah!
For those inquiring minds out there, my silence the past week was due to
A) My return to work was much like the first thirty minutes of "Saving Private Ryan". Only more violent. Vacation...it's so not worth the trouble sometimes.
B) Difficulties getting on-line at the old Homestead.
Hopefully all is back to normal, whatever the hell that is.
But on to more important things now. Tennis Shoes.
If ever one needed an analogy (really though who DOES need an analogy ever? but please humor me though) for how complicated life is anymore, consider the tennis shoe.
When I was a child, I would get a pair of "sneakers" just before school started. These shoes were worn to school, then outside to play, to basketball practice, to run races in etc. When the sole was flapping as you walked, then and only then, did one contemplate the purchasing of another pair.
Flash forward to 2004. I have approximately 250 pairs of tennis shoes in my closet. I have tennis shoes for running, for strangely enough actual tennis, for hiking, for "cross training" working out, for working in the yard, for golf, a pair to kind of just wear around in general for casual purposes, a fancy "Sunday go to meetin' pair" and a pair for the beach because "I will not wear flip-flops no way no how buster." But let me assure you that these shoes don't last a whole damn year! The running shoes are supposed to be changed every 300 miles along with tire rotation or something or they explode. I swear I am constantly buying tennis shoes. It also seems as if they all fall apart at the same time. Of course we all know a decent shoe has to be expensive. Often one must consider choosing between buying a pair or eating for the next month. I currently need about four pair and am considering getting a home equity loan to do so.
Now, I'm not one to believe that it's a conspiracy of King Nike or of "big tennis shoe" to send all our money to China, but it is a conspiracy my friends. The most evil conspiracy facing us in the history of the world.
Women are trying to make us all well...women. Yep, Oprahization. It's no coincidence that the advent of the specialty shoe craze happened about the same time women starting running corporations and nations around the world. They want you to cry in public, to be sensitive and touchy and feely and make no mistake they want you to own thousands of shoes just like they do. In fact I've even seen "men" wearing clogs for chrisssakesss! Clogs!!?? *%$#@^&%$!!!Once you wear clogs buddy boy, you should just go ahead and turn in your penis and testicles to the local woman mafia because you no longer need those my friend.
In fact I've been thinkin' (always a dicey proposition at best) that I may just go "old school" and get some Chuck Taylors like I wore when I was seven and let that be it. Sports, church, work, what have you, it'll be me in my Chucks.
Ahhh yes. Simplicity you see, is a beautiful thing.