If a tree falls in Atlanta, and it smashes your brains in, did you hear it fall?
I think the trees have finally had enough of our crap and are fighting back. "You killed my young sapling you bastards!" yelled the maple tree as it smashes through a windshield. Yep, in just the last few weeks there have three seperate instances of people being killed and or maimed by trees falling on them. Coincidence? Oh, I think not. The trees are coming to get us. Fox will air "When trees kill!" specials any day now.
Now you would expect our knee-jerk reactionary society to be huddled up and coming up with a plan to clear cut these vicious killers. Watch Groups are formed and they roam the neighborhoods with chainsaws.
Oh but wait, silly, silly, GP. That's not how we do it. We never attack the "root" of the problem anymore. (did you see that pun? tree? root?I would kiss myself right now if people wouldn't stare and point) Instead we go after the symptoms in our societal problems. The real fault here is that vehicles aren't protecting us from the trees. Starting 2005 all vehicles will be equiped with a Jetson's-like shatter proof bubble over them. Actually it seems the trees are only attacking those in cars, so let's ban the automobile. Yep, I think we have the answer right there.
Maybe the tree Gods merely are looking for sacrifices. You know, they provide our oxygen and they get nada for their troubles. Maybe if we threw some virgins at them! Hmmm. But where do you find virgins anymore? I don't know.
All I can tell you is to watch that seemingly harmless oak in your yard. He may be a shady character. (okay so that one was a bit corny) He also may be harboring resentment from when you chopped that limb off. He also wasn't thrilled with that tire swing you put up and let the neighbors' obese kid swing on. Watch it! You've been warned.