Blah.
Nothing to write of any consequence or with any theme really. One of those moments right now where I feel I am treading water and quickly getting nowhere.
Maybe it's because of the cloudy/rainy weather which means I'm not able to work out in the yard. Creating from scratch the landscaping and garden areas has become almost an obsession for me. Not almost. I also am having to clean up and work on the one at the old house now that it is vacant again. So you would think I'd really have enough of it but I haven't.
Unlike at work, in the garden I can reap the benefits of my labor. Work has just become something I endure mostly, not even the little wars with co-workers hold much pleasure for me anymore. It's kind of like shooting fish in a barrel. Winning is so easy there's no thrill. No challenges, no peers, just a paycheck.
I seem to cram so much into a day that I never feel like anything is half done. I have neglected friends all over town, who I can't seem to find five minutes to see. And yet at the end of the day I wonder what the hell I did, I mean I was busy from sunrise to sundown doing something or other dammit.
I know it's because a lot of things in my life are just a bit down the road and I am mostly working hard to get to them. I can't see those things yet and I don't even know what they are. But I labor towards them regardless every day. Life can feel like all work and no reward, but soon enough I guess.
I also feel a certain disconnect with most everything in my life, yet that doesn't really bother me. It's not a down mood, it almost feels utilitarian in nature. I can from time to time tend to strip down to just the basics of what is important. During such a time, there will be some people and some things that I will question the benefit I get from them and whether my effort in maintaining them is any longer of value to me. Then, having completed a spring cleaning of my life, I'll build up again.
See, I told you I had nothing of worth to say.
I don't lie....