Yesterday as I strolled down one of the hallways here, I noticed a small scrap of a yellow post it note folded on the carpet. Wow! Surely a note of wisdom and direction placed there for me by the "Gods of the universe" (oh man, that would have been just the best name for a band ever wouldn't it). Finally, the wisdom of the universe is mine! Or at least a winning lottery number. All mine! All mine! and no one else can have it! Okay, maybe just you.
It said "toilet paper pronto please". Oh yes, sit back and take that one in.
Maybe that didn't change my life too much, but I thought what a grand idea this psuedo post-it fortune note was. No cookie needed. No need to buy a chinese meal somewhere. Just right there on the ground. Clever n'est pas?
But I had to think this through. Would there be negative environmental impact if I toss scraps of paper hither and yon? Or thither and zither? or across the hills and dales..*bitchslap*. Okay, sorry got carried away there. Thanks, I needed that.
The boys in the lab (me and my dog though she is or was I s'pose, a female still yet, a boy in the lab) and I calculated my attention span for such a project at about one hour and three notes. (so I have a short attention span! TV was my baby sitter it's not my fault dammit!) Therefore only a few acres of trees would be wiped out and approximately three baby seals clubbed for this project. So a limited environmental impact really.
Next problem is actually having wisdom to share. That's a tough one there so we'll go with confusing notes instead. Besides, screwing with people is so much more fun than enlightening them. Call it a utopian dream, call it the results of my being dropped on my head as a child, I believe me and my fortune post-it's can change the world. Who will have time for war and pestilence, when they are busy bending over picking up notes that say "Confucius say, Who's your daddy?" on them? Peace through confusion and disorientation I say. A dreamer, a visionary, a man who should be on meds, yes, I am all of these.
You might think I would patent this wonderful idea. No, I invent for the betterment (that can't be a word can it? eh what the hey) of the world. I'm very Marxist like that.
"Like the bird who soars, may you also eat worms"
"Remember God is watching you but he's old and he doesn't see so well anymore, so have fun."
"Butter is better and margarine is marginal"
"When wronged, first consider the source, then go beat the hell out of them"
Yeah, I know. But it's just a start, remember Rome was not destroyed in a day. It took lots of years of Senators spending all their time in bathhouses having anal...whoops sorry.
So next time you're merrily strolling down the lane, and you see a small yellow scrap of paper on the ground pick it up. Sure it might be a wad of gum or the results of a sneeze, but it could also be a note from me.
"life is like a box of chocolates, the ones with nuts ruin it all"
(and he ties it all into testicle week)
I'm a god sometimes.